Fairy Lights

Sitting silently
Next to yellow lights
With this dim hope
That they might warm me up a little
While
Sun awaits for me outside
Shining bright
With beams carrying promises
Of never ending warmth
Unless I shut them out
Through blinds of fears and nightmares
That I very seldom roll up
And whenever I do
I make sure it’s a rainy day
Bringing them grey clouds along
Hiding the sun behind them
Their stillness adding to the cold
Beneath this ripped ribcage of mine
And their darkness adding to the brittleness of my bones
For how I feel at home
With these shady, gloomy clouds
Resting on my doorstep
Ensuring me that at least
They are going to last
And because
They are always adding to the cold
And not taking my warmth awayimg_20190118_230428_138

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Talk

img_20190112_105100_878I want to talk
But with no words involved
I want to talk like I talked with you
Looking in the air
Towards the sun
Sometimes holding hands
Sometimes standing on different edges of road
I want to talk
Gazing at stars
Walking those paths
Holding breath
Strolling under trees
Holding on to autumn light for us
All I want is
To talk
With my feet not touching the ground
With my eyes following the wandering clouds
With your smile
Warming my heart
With your eyes
Being the coziest home I ever resided in
I want to talk
With you by my side
Holding the whole universe
In one piece
With your arms
Shielding my existence
I want to talk
With you
The talk
That will last
Longer than moments we counted as eternity
Longer than this night that just refuses to pass

Sadism

As desperate as it may sound

You always want someone to be found

Who accepts you and all your disfigured forms

Negating all worthless ugly norms

Instead of singing you love songs

Sets you free in the sky where you belong

Who sees things you have never shown

Spoons your aching heart outside of comfort zone

Who knows nothing about happy endings

And leaves your soul shattered in a million pieces

Then comes a time when those lifeless slices

Reside in a million little paradises

Where moon will smile at them in vain

And they won’t be asking for a little less pain

Story Book

Buying a house near a bus stop 
Sitting there for hours
Every day
Observing people
Knitting stories
A story book 
That would be written
Rewritten
Every day
With a new story
With new characters
New colours
All you would do
Would be sitting in a corner
Unnoticed
Unseen
Where there won’t be any repetition
Of faces
Except for the one
Sitting next to you
Sole constant
Of your picture
I want to live that life
For a while

Constant

I have forgotten

What I learned

I’m not

What I used to be

Among chaos and paradox

Don’t ever take away

My happy moments

Dates

I marked red

Don’t make me tear off

My favorite pages

Don’t make the sight of stars

Painful for me

Don’t leave me alone

With the misery of the moon
Never sneak away

My fantasies

That make me want to live

That make me want to dream

Don’t take it all away

For I live for this stuff

I have convinced myself

That it’s going to stay

That it’s all mine

Not even the death

Can steal it away

I’ve given it all

In your hands

For , you are my safest place

To put in all my faith

Never let my heart wilt

Never let this light go dim

Don’t take it all away

Don’t take any of it away

Words

I’m making an effort

To explode through my words

To put life into my words

Because my words are the only place

Where my heart finds solace

Where my mind comes to a halt

Where I’ve hidden you

From possibilities of you

Running away

From what we could be

Running away

From what I designed us to be

It’s just my words that keep dead meat alive

It’s in my words that I feel a life

Harmony

They don’t let me sleep

They keep me awake

Same old words

Jumbling up in my mind

Visions from past and future

With repetitive rhythm

Residing in shadows around me

Falling upon me

Dancing around me

I pass them on to you

I pass it all to you

Mirror

We all have our sets of strength

What’s mine?

Looking in the mirror

Looking straight in the eyes

Of all those

Emotions

Thoughts

Memories

And moments

That couldn’t make it to my pages

All the screams

That couldn’t

Reach the world

All the deaths

That weren’t mourned

All “can’t waits” and “what ifs”

All roller coaster rides of

False hopes

And broken dreams

That can never be mended

Wounds

That can never be healed

Tears

That will never stop flowing

Prayers

That will never be heard

Salt Range

I feel so tiny

Take me in

Oh mother nature

Take me into your vastness

Give me strength

To bear this burden

Laid upon

This worthless, sinful being

What is this weight

On my chest

Is it undiscovered yet

Or I’m just running away

There’s a relation between sight of mountains

And streams of salt water

Running down my eyes

Much stronger than the one

We have ever had

I Am My Past

It leaves me in shudders when I think of all the place I have ever been to, all the people I ever met and talked with, all the seasons I ever witnessed, words I spoke, tears I shed and emotions I felt and how collectively all these things shaped up today’s me. What I am today, I owe it all to my past and what it contains (good or bad). Then how can I forget my past, how can I get over it when it’s all embedded in me.

Every breath that I exhale today contains air from my past. It’s all in my blood, my bones, my flesh. I am all the people I met. I am all the places I visited. I am the air I inhaled. I am all the emotions I soaked in. I am the world that surrounds me. I am all the gentle rubs of time that ever caressed me. If I am today, it’s because I was yesterday.

My past is me and in all its glory I am my past.